Pints

There's a silent flowing stream
An inverted, internalized scream
Glass shards are hypnotic reminders
of the blood that flows inside my veins
And I overwhelmingly, achingly want you
Yet this sober restraint calls me to clarity
What can be will never be,
Fruition lies,
unrealized.

Oh, to be dissatisfied, disillusioned and impoverished
The wounded, lonely heart
beats just as well as the nourished one
Just as regularly
And yet,
I cannot fathom this canyon that lies between us
As anything less than impregnable.
The clouds refuse to part,
the dew begets the drop,
Micro-chasm of life

And all the while, I pine for you,
The half that is quartered,
the life that is shortened
the music that is silent
unguarded smiles,
soften memories of your undying skin
and an unwavering sigh of frustration

All these lead me closer,
and the closer, further away,
From and to
YOU.

Remembering

The death of the explorer was kept from his mountains,
No field, no stream, no rock responded
No outcry of anger, no avalanche of tears, no tear-stained mourning
The molten lava sunset slowly curled its way between the blackened trees of the sky
A new leaf softy grew

Some strange wind inside me blew,
Desperately trying
to force a tear from my eye

Oh, earthy things are not moved by absence,
but rather touched by light,
a life of admiration, respect, devotion.
The gentleness of fascination, precision, description.
Rocks lightly covered in dew

The hollow earth inside me fractured,
Desperately trying,
to force my soul to cry

The hollow of a tree
The laughing mid-day sun
The roughness of granite
The shear beauty of remembrance.

For You My Friend.

In the beginning, you began to begin creating me...

Drawing lines across my face
a smile appeared
Lazily caressing my back
and I inhaled
Lips grazed my own
and I felt human,
the warm comfort of being
wrapped in cellophane
the shell of an emotion

Stay away and I dissolve
Come closer and I disintegrate
Only severance will sustain me

(be)for(shawdow)

How does the moon forgive us?
By quieting the starkness of the light
and paling us, in comparison to,
the unparalleled unfathomable inexplicable.
Oh, the sheer hubris of even trying to compare
Opens the abyss of our inadequacies.

(and the kitchen door swings in the breeze)
(and the petal gently floats to the ground)
(and the breathe is thoughtlessly given)
(and the eye is lovingly lowered)
(and the seed is silently growing)
(and the stream is ever flowing)
(and the heart beats only once)
(and the smile is hard earned)
(and the raindrop is created)

How does the moon forgive us?
By casting a silver glow in the night
and paling us, in comparison to,
the unpredictable immeasurable immaterial.
Oh, the sheer hubris of even trying to compare
Creates the underpinnings of yearning.

Openocean

This reckless ship
Runs against the tide
Desperately attempting to reconcile the notion of
Home
And I'm trapped in your soft smile,
gentle touch,
The whirlwind of remembrance.
Stranded, abandoned, mid-ocean,
How do I find a compass that leads anywhere but you?
The constant torment of the wind, sleepless nights,
Just to catch a glimpse of nostalgia.
Floating on the open sea, directionless because the only direction
is away.

And worst of all, you remain on shore, unaware and indifferent.

Past, present, the blur of time as it fades into lapping waves.
(I want to remember, but not to hurt.)
How do I change the sun, the wind, the tides, the earth?
How do I mend the hull, the cabin, the heart?
Solace, eventually, find me, will.

After, Noon

Once we've smoked the smoke-stick
We can travel to the alternate universe
and ride the golden pleasure-craft
until we are both enveloped in flames

Once we've smoked the smoke-stick
We can touch one another
Below the level of consciousness
and transform one another's dreams
until we are both overcome with imagination

Once we've smoked the smoke-stick
We can create a moment
Free of any kind of worldly infraction
and devoid of any God but pleasure
until we are both slaves to one another

I'm Trying To Find You

I gently pull up the barrel
Filled with smiles
from the deep well of my heart
Don't spill anything
(OVER)
The sun is bold yet coquettish
She teases me with her moments of warmth
and then retreats back into herself

I want what I want
And you should know what that is
And you should give it to me

Once I've drunk the last smile-drop
And the sun has me fulfilled
I breath in the brick mortar of the ancient well
Privy to the timelessness of water
Feel the slight scratch of rope on my hands
The tiny drops of blood that cover my palms
The peddles beneath my bare feet
The tiny gasp of wind that uplifts me
The translucent scent of the encroaching evening

I want what I want
and please, forgive me for it.

Morning Stanza

and I'm reminded of your beauty,
and i'm reminded of your grace
and I'm reminded of your ever changing,
always constant, effervescent face.

There Are Good Days and Bad Days and Just Days

The secret's secret
Delves below the milky surface
Into the depths of my inadequacies
Amongst the crumbs of warm chocolate chip cookies
Cat hair covered pillows
and your gentle witticisms
whispered into my ear with a laughing smile
This liver has been split in two
and the growing back
is the most painful part
I begin to look inside
because I can't make it heal faster
I want to know, but it disgusts me
Where have we fallen to, a place beyond the best parts of ourselves
I'm still falling,
Falling upwards,
Jump out of the ferris wheel when it reaches its peak
Onto the pavement grounded
...but not until I reach inside myself
and feel the fullness of my liver
Reprocessing the process

Selbstmord

Clear
Clarity
A single leaf falls slowly dancing, in the wind.
Elegance

Can this circle be broken//?
I fall knowingly to my death
and the most amazing parts of my life become apparent

The single, overwhelming
sensation
of
feeling
and being
L
O
V
E
D

To(esday)

and if there's a lesson
that's meant to be learned
and if there's a reason
that i've been spurned
and if there's a waterfall
beneath the diamond sky
and if there's a renegade
flying by and by

then i'm amongst the living
I have climbed through the gates of hell
and Hades no more controls me
I emerge from the depths of the well

Pale Blue Dot

That tangerine sunshine
Transcends into fluorescent porous
Experience
and I am transfixed by the simple tear
sliding seductively down your cheek
until it finds a home in the crevasse of your lips
and reenters the devine something-ness
that is your body.

Oh, to tempt the sunshine godess of
silver underlinings,
pained translucent awkwardness
and a dirty pillow cased
covering a filthy pillow.

Funny how the orange light
makes you seem even more human
less like the envisioned memory
I have of a Tuesday morning,
waking up to the mirror that was not myself.

Smoke flies and love dies and all these small niceties
are suddenly trapped
on this tiny periwinkle dot
that houses and delouses
find and discomforts
salts and slides
across the permeable membrane of my body
into the void that is
and continues to be
the void that is me and is also
without me

Newness

Pretzel stomach
and long forgotten middle moments
Embracing the folds of air
between where I am
and where you want to be

The constant lack of consistency
Bright, unguarded purities
an envelope, a bill, a pillow
The stiffness of breath after a climb
into the cranberry reaches of my porcelain home
I descend underearth to regrow
and mold, or flourish
The twisted cliff of something else

Dreamwork

I take the tips of the world
and tie them together
(like taking out the garbage)
and then the oceans drain and spill onto my feet
and I fall backwards into space
enveloped by stars
until the sun is the smallest point of light
and, still holding the earth,
\my insides are out
and my brain floats like unravelled intestines
knotted cords of experience
amongst the most unfathomable age
tiny moments amidst ancient legacies

and I gently release the world
from my skeletal grasp
and it falls, floating until
(like pizza dough being thrown)
it flattens and unravels

and then, quicker than you'd imagine
it disappears...

The Friday After(noon)

Standing,
the snow helps the Earth to turn
Diagonal assistance

And for me,
it covers up all those things I want forgotten
At least for a while
the peace of purity descends
and I am enveloped in the thick white rain drops
Flying through the air with my feet on the ground
I look up and marvel

No matter what happens,
I can always be transported
Standing.

Listening to Horses

It's Okay,
Half of my(self) is less that Everything
Exteriority replaces the momentary lapse of reason,
-(or the beauty)
of a mesh veil covered face
Where sunlight still finds a home
Despite the attempts at disguise.
Maybe the mask is the mirror
the crystalline pond into which,
unaided,
(I gently lean forward)
I fall

and remove the half to uncovered the w(hole),
we are I.