(cat)atonic

I'm so sick of these lives
The stupor that fearlessness brings
Kill me once, kill me twice
Being scared would make me human
What makes yesterday tommorow's joke?
Eternity,
what bullshit,
give me peace.

my love is a goldfish

My love is a goldfish
solitary in it's memory
three (is)

companionship is so troublesome, isn't it?
company

my love is conditional
dependant on water
moisture is my spine

sit me at the table with kings
I will conquer.

Hunting

Look at me
No, seriously.
Look at me

Stare me in the eyes, well maybe only one at a time.
Funny how two of your eyes can see only one of mine.

But, no, I need you to see me.
It's important.

Why?

Well, aren't we human?
At least, am I?

Oops...

All I can do is laugh...
Learn to trust my instincts.
And then laugh more...
Isn't life fucking hilarious?
(Experience is paramount)

moi

Why rhyming sucks and other idle fears

Should I create?
The value of the word as it
de
pre
ciates

Lovely left handed lieutenant
Salutes the setting sun
Armed for battle
Pa rum pa rum pum

Ten foot dream
Lined with what I call magic
Touch me and die

I was five years old
Mysteriously perceptive
You told me to shut my eyes,
Apology accepted

Fancy feet have short life spans
Toddlers crawl for posterity

The right hand lingers more than the left
Behind are feelings rusted from shining silver to brown
The man known as Age spins on the merry-go-round

Words are lies
Dressed up as fancy
The dragon lays eggs
That form eyes
Wise are those eyes

Lead me not into giration
Dancing wildly at the altar
I pray for my soul in masturbation
The setting sun is a setting star

Fox tail and liquid gold
This is my chance at forever

In lust, I thrust
Without thought of repercussions

Too old, too damaged, too proud

Breathing is difficult when you die
Heaving in and out,
Life becomes one giant sigh

For life to be valued,
must we devalue death?
And in doing so, do we risk infection?

I am but a fraction
of my inaction.

altar(ations)

freckle of brown
s(light) in/of/and/or hand
magic is my name
i am sparkling wine
(notorious, the)
champagne of truths
slayer of dragons
eater of pain (bread)
add blood and welcome salvation
appendectomy above the rectory
Father, pray for do(nations)

tonight

the birds were silent as the wind made noise
nature overpowering mother
twisted ocean of fog where lanterns glow
blurred waves and ripples so small they don't exist
a single moment in the chasm of time
the birds a speckle in my memory

what is strength?
i feel so weak

and in crying i lose you
to the abyss of dark
dark
dark
ness
darkness

discover me
veiled in light of green
solitary in this time

space is mine
no other inhabitants fool me into believing they exist
sensing is nothing but inner thought and expression

I am color and luminescence and strength and fortitude
the me that is life is love is truth is beauty

not lonely, but alone

Salvia and October Sunsets

Everything is water that courses over you. Almost as thought the world is covered in clear plastic and your hands lay over it. The world is seperate from my hands.
Doesn't that shock you, even a little bit?
Tom is smiling at me for under the prison cover. There are multiples of him that remind me of the taste of salvia in my mouth, which I had earlier forgotten in the excitement of my high. Now, even though I feel that sense of urgency that comes with the decline of my high, I am strong. Able to release and think beyond that world of plastic I earlier envisioned. Still, tom stares at me, still, "its bad enough we get along so well" rubs against my ears. still "goodnight and go" swims over my keys.
Regaining that control of earlier seems unimportant as the keys shuffle and create a tattoo. Faint, yet distinctive. Without logical rhythm, we substitute the irregularities of necessity. I must type, I must type to write, and this becomes my song, the hesitation of the fingers on the keyboard, the swipe of the space bar, and to do that, I hit space bar.
The space between space and bar stuns and mesmerizes me. Oh, how long the music stopped as I pondered the word "mesmerize". and another pause. pause. mesmerize. too complicated, as I earlier mentioned.

"And after, I stared at my pupils in the mirror, mesmerized ( haha) by the speed as they changed size. Open to close" and this is my inner dialogue even as I did this thing, in my mind, the dialogue went just like that.
I really did look at my pupils in the mirror. I did.

today i was too lazy to have a shower
and too dirty to have a bath
so i sat in the porcelaine hole and turned the tap on
water poured over me and pooled below me
in between the soapy sting i opened my eyes

legs
feet
hands

so there i sat in painted glory
still as though moving was anathema
and pondered my temple

for this and all things

i apologize

and,
in anger
i hope for forgiveness

Lately,
I have reflected on dreams and in doing so my life has obtained a dream-like quality. Haze surronds my interactions, smoke fills my lungs and my life. It is as if dreaming were more of a reality to me than waking. And in dreaming I find more truths that my conscious self can ever find. If there exist any truth... or truths. But in dreams there lies no doubt, no selfishness, no vanity. All things which plague me and contradict my intentions. To be honest, to be fruitfull, to be sexual. All these things escape the hand that grasps reality and flow into the mouth of fantasy.
Yet, I cannot live in any other world. Nor do i wish too. If only the escape of sleep was not so perfect, so serene, so real.

Can you deny me the candidness of the place in which all eyes are closed and all senses shut down?

Vanity

in every reflection
there lies affirmation

oh to have anything
what a fantasy
to posess
oh, to linger over moments as they transform
into memories
to hold something immaterial in your grasp
oh, to inhabit a time,
a space
Almost, as if, by magic.

Often do I dream
yet rarely do I wake

And, upon wakening and feeling,
sentiment erupts in my soul.

So it is this dream that becomes my reality,
for emotion clouds the very thread of life.

in dreams

I dreamed you were a woman,
raw and passionate

The rain descended,
peeling off our clothes
as my eyes travelled over your skin

I dreamed you were a woman,
naked and standing in front of me

We touched and you became ivory
the air turned to fire
diamonds emerged from your skin

Between your breasts the wealth of the world lay

And, as a woman,
you kissed me.

Two wet tongues
weaving a tale of magic
flames engulfing our innocence

And from between your lips the clouds emerged
hazy smoke filled the air

And I inhaled you.

I dreamed you were a woman
and never have I desired you so completely